So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
