Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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