We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
