oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
