just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
