I puked a lego.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
