Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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