I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
