R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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