I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
