Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
