Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
