I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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