Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
