no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
