ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
