Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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