I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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