Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
