I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
