After last night, I could never be a politician.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
