The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
