hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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