if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
