is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Where is the hickey?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
