If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
