if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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