I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
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Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
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You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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