Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I would fuck him just for his dog
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
