I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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