You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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