Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
