The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
