Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I believe in your delicious
You've changed since you got that strap on
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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