i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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