I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
