I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
