Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit. http://tfl.nu/x6k6
  Replies (33) Good night (7542) Bad night (1131)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything? http://tfl.nu/hmy2
  Replies (7) Good night (1009) Bad night (4611)
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (580): Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it. http://tfl.nu/0iyi
  Replies (18) Good night (3749) Bad night (1034)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine. http://tfl.nu/o5fg
  Replies (15) Good night (2821) Bad night (1352)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due. http://tfl.nu/nv78
  Replies (26) Good night (7204) Bad night (1343)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice. http://tfl.nu/09lg
  Replies (4) Good night (3536) Bad night (1214)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare. http://tfl.nu/8fck
  Replies (1) Good night (1354) Bad night (608)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies. http://tfl.nu/y08j
  Replies (5) Good night (842) Bad night (1306)
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (808): At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life. http://tfl.nu/lsk4
  Replies (5) Good night (1634) Bad night (600)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell http://tfl.nu/48fd
  Replies (8) Good night (906) Bad night (542)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control. http://tfl.nu/bct6
  Replies (1) Good night (561) Bad night (925)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever. http://tfl.nu/fwv4
  Replies (5) Good night (493) Bad night (839)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it. http://tfl.nu/ephi
  Replies (4) Good night (1032) Bad night (419)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing. http://tfl.nu/fj2u
  Replies (7) Good night (590) Bad night (385)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest? http://tfl.nu/z7gj
  Replies (2) Good night (572) Bad night (180)

Randomize