how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?