k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
are you so shy because you have an std?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
29 People Who Do Dirty Things Just To Get Their Way
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."