I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
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At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
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they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK