My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
