Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
