What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I see more hoeing in ur future
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