just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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