I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
