I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
