Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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