I want to stick my p in your. b.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
