Your face is a jimmy john
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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