I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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