I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
