Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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