Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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