she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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