i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
