marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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