Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
