I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She bit a glass in half.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
