I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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