There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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