my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
