I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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