So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
