I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
