I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
