didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
