Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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