Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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