4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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