I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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